1. I do not feel the need to say "War Eagle" when I meet you on the streets, in a store, at church or at a funeral. Why would I? That is a greeting for a fellow AU fan. I am still trying to understand why you would say "row tahd" when you see me. It is not my name, my university or my football team. Save your foul-smelling breath. You are not identifying yourself; I know a bammer on sight. You need not utter a word; you wear redneck, trailer-trash like a badge.
2. When I post something on Facebook that begins with "AU fans...", I am NOT talking to you. Why do you feel compelled to comment? I do not comment on your bammer posts; why would I? I am not a bammer and you are not talking to me. Why is that so hard for you to figure out? You stay on your side of the fence and I will stay on mine.
3. I do not spend more time on a bammer board than I do an AU board. In fact, you won't see me on your board. I do not impersonate a bammer and try to stir up crap on your board. I just don't care enough about you to do that.
4. I did not consider myself "A champion" because my football team won the MNC. I did not play a down. I was not on the field calling plays. The AU football players and coaches are the champions; my team won a championship. My value as a person was not elevated by my team winning the MNC. My self-esteem is not dependent on how many made-up championships I claim my team has won. My self-respect does not depend on how many games my team won this year. I did not and would not name any of my children after a football team, a coach, a stadium, or a mascot. I know without a doubt it would not help them grow to be a person of character or make them important if I were to name my son "Aubie", "Shug", or "Chizik" or my daughter "Nova" or "Spirit" or "Navy". I would never have my month-old baby out in the hot sun so saban could sign him. An AU fan is what I am, not who I am. Who I am is a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a Christian and a loyal friend.
5. As an AU fan, I know the words to our fight song. You know the words to "Rammer Jammer". I attended AU classes in Haley Center ; you buy bammer glasses in Walmart Supercenter .
6. bammers are so AUBsessed even the name of your beloved team, the "crimson tide" is "tied" to AU. You copied our Tiger Walk. You tried to locate Dumbo so you could have him circle your stadium. We own you. We are in your heads. Your heads are about to explode. No matter what happens on the field, we've won because you now hate AU more than you love bammer. You cannot enjoy your success for worrying about ours. You lose, but please don't go beat your wife now; save that for football season.
7. Your "nation" is sick to the core of its being. You have a black heart. You poison 130 yr old trees and then pose for pictures with the poisoner. You rub your privates in a passed-out rival fan's face in a public restaurant while fellow bammers cheer him on. You call yourself classy. pffft. You're just the ass in classy. bammer high school coaches bully the kids they coach to go to bammer. bammer journalists print any and every AU rumor and innuendo they can find or invent in order to bring us down. bammers have set a new record at the NCAA office for e-mailing rumors and false info. And yet you have failed. Failed to bring us down. Failed to break our spirit. And you don't understand why that is. Trust me, you never will. It is well beyond your power of comprehension.
8. The coach you worship and value more than God and family finds you disgusting. He should. If bammer loses, you go from PBRs to rtr's to ER's. If bammer wins, you rape mini-horses, deface property and teabag rival fans. You have bammer weddings and funerals that passed redneck fourteen shades of red ago. spanky HATES that his job depends on beating AU, no matter what else he achieves and he HATES you for putting him in that position. He HATES every disease-ridden handshake he has to make. Why does he stay? Because he knows you are so desperate to win and please him that there is NOTHING you won't do. You are his tools.
9. You like to accuse AU of cheating. Yet most of you who accuse AU of cheating have no idea that bammer holds the NCAA record for consecutive years on probation at 17 years. Why don't you know that? Because you only see the wins and losses of your football team. You don't care about anything else. You don't care if you go on probation; if the only way you can win an MNC is to cheat, so be it. The end justifies the means. If someone blindfolded you, transported you to uat and removed the blindfold, you would have NO idea where you were. Most of you never attended uat and know little about it.
10. The answer to all things you don't know is not "row tahd row". Answering "what is the AU-uat record for this decade" with a long pause and a "row tahd row" implies you are too stupid for words. Simply state, "I do not know the answer". "I don't know" infers ignorance; "row tahd row" confirms it. Leave a little doubt.
