someone asked why have kids.
good question. and i thought about it.
i have lots of time alone after my son goes to sleep and my wife is passed out from meds every night around 8. yes, my life sucks 90% of the time.
but this too shall pass.
and i thought about it last night. and here is my answer. the words may not be quite right as this is the first time i am articulating tthis. and I hope I am not too maudlin.
I know I can, at times be emotionally unreliable some of these days, as our family stress continues and gets worse every day and the last two+ years seem like a black ghost...
anywhooo....as to why kids.
it's the memories.
when i die the thing i am most fearful of losing are my memories.
some good, some bad, some filtered through years of experience, delusion or self-justification to let me sleep at night. but they're mine.
the best memories i have ever had of are my son and i. ever. hands down.
this morning while still dark he came into my bed with one of his 14 flashlights with a flyer/catalog from a lego box he got for christmas.
he had been up all night dreaming of getting the tractor lego kit b/che wants to be a farmer.
so in the dark, under the blanket he told me how he wanted to get this lego tractor for his 5th birthday so he would know how to drive a tractor for real when he's much bigger.
and we talked about it. and i told him about how i use to work on a farm for my finance professor at AU. and how i used to drive a tractor.
and he had pie eyes. and he then told me how to drive a tractor?????
so, for ten minutes I came into a memory that is so cool and i never will want to lose that.
it's that. it's the memories kids give you.
it is so incomprehensibly cool and you can never know until you go to the show.
