December 15,
2008 5:19 p.m.
Dear Auburn family,
We began our search for a new head coach with a few fundamentally
important criteria.
We wanted to find a man who would be the
right fit for Auburn University. We wanted to find a man who would be
committed to Auburn for years to come.
We wanted someone with head coaching experience that would give our
current student-athletes the best chance to compete in the Big XII next year.
We wanted someone who would represent Auburn with character, class and
integrity, who would coach our student-athletes to be successful on the
field, in the classroom and in the game of life, be white and have a white wife, preferably blond. Natural blond.
We found our man in Neil Callaway and Gene Chizik. Neil's phone was busy, so I figured what the heck, I called Gene. Neil eventually got my text message but by that time Gene had told Pollard he was toast, so I figured what the heck. That explains my ambigious statement on Saturday.
I thought it would be important for me to share what I saw in Coach
Chizik in his time at Auburn and again during the interview process, and
why I believe without a doubt that he is the right man for Auburn. First of all he is white. White bread as one can be. We're talking Wonder Bread, just like Captain Kangaroo used to advertise His wife is white. Blond, too. Natural? Well only Gene knows for sure. Also I saw a very strong chin and ability to make sure that helemts line up just #badword#ING SO. NOT A HELMET OUT OF PLACE.
Most importantly, Coach Chizik is a man of exceptional character and
integrity who epitomizes what we should all want in a head coach. During
his three years at Auburn, I saw first-hand how his words always matched
his deeds, except for that time he went to Texas.
I saw his passion, his relentless work ethic and his burning desire to
teach the game of football and build young men of character who will be
successful students and good citizens who will know their place and stay with in their ethnicity when deciding to take a spouse.
Throughout the search process, we interviewed a strong group of
candidates, but Coach Chizik clearly rose to the top--which is not to hard to do, when you interviews consist of Patrick Nix and Rodney Garner. Everyone we talked
with about Coach Chizik spoke about his impeccable character, relentless
work ethic, his relationships with his players and his ability to weirdly motivate
them and, of course his mono-racial marriage.
During his time at Auburn as defensive coordinator, Coach Chizik was
named the nation's top assistant coach. He was a part of back-to-back
undefeated seasons at Auburn and then Texas, where his defense helped lead
the Longhorns to a national championship. Of course he actually lead Auburn to a National Championship, too, but we're too much of pussies to claim it. Besides it makes Coach Dye jealous.
While Coach Chizik was clearly still in the process of building the
program at Iowa State, he had a blueprint that he never deviated from and
was continuing to build upon.
Of all the coaches we interviewed, Coach Chizik best understood where
Auburn is-- that's it right here in Alabama (Rodney thought it was in Georgia--not a real bright bulb) and where we can be. He outlined a clear plan for the future
that will put us into position to consistently compete for
championships. A blue print. He did scratch out Big XII and write in SEC.
Other important factors that weighed heavily in my decision were Coach
Chizik's experience competing in the Southeastern Conference and his
reputation as a relentless recruiter. I mean we wouldn't want anyone like Urban Meyer and his Notre Dame ickiness. And the ickiness that goes along with a inter-racial marriage.
Coach Chizik is well known and highly respected among high school
coaches throughout the Southeast and beyond. Those relationships will be
invaluable during the recruiting process. See. Tom Osborne doesn't know a thing about how to sell god-forsaken Lincoln Nebraska to recruits, so how could you possibly think that he could have passed on to a black man with a white wife who hails from uber Yankee land that is Fort Worth Texas. do you?
I also wanted to share a few final thoughts about the search process we
just concluded. We began with a list of six top candidates--Rodney Garner, Patrick Nix, Neil Callaway, Wayne Bolt, Jim Donnan and Turner Gill, until I met his wife. We worked
diligently to find out which man was the best fit for Auburn.Then we figured, what the #badword#, what is Gene doing these days -- is he still in Ames? So eat your mother #badword#ing heart out Jeremy Foley. You hear me? Eat. Your. Heart. Out.
We did not talk to any coaches without first going through the proper
channels and following the proper protocol. So the contacts with Spurrier, Nutt and Johnson were all through text messages and e-mail. That's not talking. That is the way we are going
to conduct business now and in the future.
The search to find the right man for Auburn reminded me how fortunate
we are to be a part of something bigger than any one of us. We have an
opportunity to impact the lives of countless student-athletes and to bring
credit to Auburn University on the football field and far beyond and conitnue to ass rape the season ticket holders.
In closing, please know that whatever differences we may have about the
best way to get where we all want to go, I personally appreciate the
passion, devotion and love you have for Auburn University--so knock it off with the e-mails. I hear you. I am not going to do anything any of you ask unless your name is Pat Dye or Bobby Lowder. As a former
football player and as your Athletics Director, I share that passion for,
and belief in, lying and dissembling
Just imagine how strong we will be if we can all pull in the same
direction, united in our belief that Auburn is a special place that we are
all blessed to be a small part of now and forever. So shut the hell up Charles Barkley, you loser. YOU HEAR ME. WHO ARE YOU--MISTER FANCY PANTS TOP 50 NBA STAR AND GOLD MEDAL OLYMPIAN. YOU FAT BASTARD I AM THE ATHLETICS DIRECTOR AND YOU WILL CONTINUE TO BE NOTHING BUT A COLOR COMMENTATOR UNLESS YOU GET IN LINE.
Bright days are ahead for Auburn football, and it will be exciting to
experience it together. We should all live so long.
Thank you for your support of our new coach, our student-athletes and
your University.Becaue we are the University. Don't forget it.
God bless, and War Eagle!
Jay Jacobs
Director of
Athletics
AUBURN ATHLETICS ABSOLUTE VALUES:
Always tell the truth unless you can think of a lie, no matter how unconvincing.
Tell others anything, they're nothing but suckers.
