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I would have written a letter to the preacher's supervisor complaining about the sucker.
Then I would have slept with the preacher's wife (if I were single).
Then I would have shaved the preacher's cat's ass.
Then I would have put sugar in the good preacher's gas tank.
Then I would have put Visine in the preacher's ice tea.
Then I would have had GEWarEagle Photoshop the preacher #badword#ing a goat and mailed it to his congregation.