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The Prairie Dawg
(24.255.220.78) on 1/14/2007 - 10:00 p.m. says: ( 103 views
, 1 likes
)
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"A eulogy for Jeremy"
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I'm not the world's greatest writer; hell, I doubt if I'm in the top 3 billion. But I woke up this morning with a weight on my chest and Jeremy's death on my mind. I sat down and tried to put my emotions in writing, and this is what I've come up with:
It's appropriate that the weather today is cold and gloomy. It gives me an excuse to blame the chill that I feel on the weather, rather than on the emptiness in my soul. You see, I lost a friend yesterday.
He was no ordinary friend. I knew him for more than 10 years and traded e-mails with him at least once a week. His internet persona on various sports-related message boards was that of a sarcastic, in-your-face, I-don't-give-a-damn-what-you-think, snot-nosed asshat.
I met my friend in person just once, for 3 hours in 2001, in his hometown of New Orleans. I didn't expect him to be exactly like his online persona, but I was blown away by his friendliness, his ability to put me at ease and make me feel like we'd been friends for years, and his acceptance of me as a friend, not just another internet goofball. From what I've heard from others, my experience was typical.
If there was one thing I could count on, it was that there would be an e-mail or message board post almost every day that would make me laugh, think, and in general give me at least a few minutes of good feelings when things were not going all that well.
But today, the gray sky and the sleet and snow have replaced the warm feelings I usually get when thinking about my friend. Late Friday night or early Saturday morning, Jeremy took his own life.
I didn't know Jeremy well enough to know what demons he battled, and it's easy to say he took the easy way out. But I can't know what went on in his head, and I can't judge the man or his actions. What I can do is mourn his loss, hope he has found the peace he was seeking, and remember the better memories (I won't say "good times", because although they were "good" for me, Jeremy was probably even then fighting his demons).
If there's one thing that this drives home to me, it's that people can feel hopeless and alone, even when they are surrounded by people who love them. So, to all my friends, and especially my own family:
You are not alone. Many of us have faced similar situations, and have found our way back from the abyss. If you feel hopelessly alone, and death seems like the only way out, reach out to someone you know and trust. That may be a family member, it may be a close friend...it may be an internet buddy. If I am the one you reach out to, I promise you I will do everything in my power to help you through the dark times and keep the demons at bay, if not defeat them.
The day is still cold and gray. I still have a chill that I am blaming on the weather. But there's a spark of warmth in my soul, in that as long as I remember him, Jeremy has not completely left this world.
Farewell, my friend.
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The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)
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