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Luke
(74.230.35.91) on 11/30/2006 - 9:33 a.m. says: ( 166 views
, 1 likes
)
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"A new name has emerged."
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According to a reliable source, Chuck Norris has accepted the position
of head coach at the University of Alabama. He is scheduled to arrive
in Tuscaloosa by fiery chariot at 3:00 pm tomorrow. Although he has no
prior head coaching experience, Norris is believed to have used his
patented roundhouse kick to travel back in time and take 20 years of
coaching lessons from the legendary Paul "Bear" Bryant. Norris also
holds the coveted rank of "houndstooth belt" in kung fu. Norris is not
expected to be introduced at a press conference, as everyone knows damn
well who he is. The first question on everyone's mind is, "can he beat
Auburn?" Norris's response: "Any fingers that Tubby shows will be
promptly roundhouse-kicked into oblivion. He might want to keep those
ears tucked into his hat too." He also said that he plans to address
the offensive line issue by replacing the current "zone-blocking"
scheme with a new "roundhouse blocking" scheme. He promised to explain
this scheme further whenever he damn well pleases. The Chuck Norris
hiring has already proven to have an immediate effect on Alabama
merchandising, as sales of houndstooth belts and headbands have risen
700% in the last 2 hours. More to come on this story and on the
Tubberville suicide watch. Stay tuned.
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The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
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