We do not recall accepting your application here at Yale. Why, we doubt you even have the stones to rate a Harvard man. We observe your stated lack of snobbery, so that rules out Princeton -- snobbery is a trait that no Ivy League Tiger would disclaim. We see you claim an affiliation with a Christian church, so that makes Columbia and Brown unlikely. We have to concede that you are living, so that rules out Dartmouth, a place where the meanies at the Dartmouth Review doubtless would have killed you, as well as Cornell, whose student suicide rate approaches 100 percent. That leaves Penn, a school that counts as an Ivy only because of Wharton. We detect a cluelessness about business and other practical matters that would make a Wharton degree nearly impossible to believe.
So, where have you observed all of this Ivy League stupidity? Amsterdam?
By the way, I am in the brothel next door. Let's smoke some hash and bash America when I get done.
Boola, boola
Eli
