(EDITED BY AUTHOR: 12/14/2005 - 2:36 p.m.)
Tim Tebow, who will win more than one Heisman Trophy a la Ron Powlus, decided to attend the University of Florida yesterday in a made for media announcement that will be the subject of an ESPN special ( a programming decision that relegated the popular series "Reptilian Fantasy: What if Steve Spurrier, #badword#ING TRAITOR THAT HE IS, Brought His Practice Squad Scoring Machine to the Auburn Wind Tunnel in 2001 instead of Rex Grossman" to the neophyte and difficult to find ESPNU). Tebow's decision, which was announced from his home/school/kingly throne/center of the universe, sent the Jean Short Nation into a paroxysm of speculative ecstacy. Longtime fan, Gator DJ, interviewed during a break from the International Flying Burrito Brothers Trivia Contest, said he not seen Gator fans this happy in his over nine decades of bad lyric collecting and Gator watching. He did acknowledge some memory gaps due to age and his habit of consorting with known marijuana users at Virtual Swamp tailgaiting events.
Meanwhile, in Alabama, TI founder Rodney Orr was considering bankruptcy as nearly his entire membership was involuntarily committed to state mental hospitals. Most were diagnosed with Munchausen by Proxy Disorder (MBP) brought on by Tebow's spurning of the Tide. Orr lamented, "Our current membership cannot sustain next year's cost as it consists of one guy named Tater who has no address and has given his password to dozens of people and some guy who posts in ALL CAPS who has unleashed a squadron of lawyers on me. Guess I will have to get a real job after all. Damn that Tebow. He wasn't even offered anyway."
::::>Please make sure all future posts contain some tie-in to either the University of Florida, jean shorts, Tim Tebow's inevitable multiple heismans, Burrito Brothers, practice squads scoring on Auburn at will, traitor coaches, proxies or GatorDJ's near triple digit age.
