The VS seems to have maintained their sense of humor. This is one of the funniest things I've ever read in my life.
TIM TEBOW
-- Tim Tebow's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
-- Tim Tebow does not sleep. He waits.
-- Tim Tebow does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Tim Tebow goes killing.
-- Tim Tebow sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Tim roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
-- Tim Tebow built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Tim stopped all three bullets with his stare, JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement
-- Tim Tebow never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
-- The chief export of Tim Tebow is pain.
-- Tim Tebow is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-- A blind man once stepped on Tim Tebow' shoe. Tim replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Tim Tebow!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Tim Tebow.
-- To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Tim Tebow smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
-- A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Tim Tebow and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-- If you can see Tim Tebow, he can see you. If you can't see Tim Tebow you may be only seconds away from death.
-- The term "carnivore" was invented after Tim Tebow was spotted at a carnival eating babies.
-- The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Tim Tebow has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
-- Tim Tebow frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
-- Tim Tebow doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-- Tim Tebow once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
-- Tim Tebow once brought a stillborn bulldog back to life. Shortly after the mutt sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Tim Tebow roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind everyone once more that Tim giveth, and Tim taketh away.
-- Tim Tebow is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a #badword#ing Indian.
-- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Tim Tebow's fist.
-- When Tim Tebow was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Tim Tebow received an "A+" for writing only the words "Tim Tebow" and promptly turning in the paper.
-- When Tim Tebow sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Tim Tebow has not had to pay taxes ever.
-- Tim Tebow is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Tim Tebow
-- It was once believed that Tim Tebow actually lost a fight to a bammer, but that is a lie, created by Tim Tebow himself to lure more bammers to him. Bammers never were very smart.
-- If you ask Tim Tebow what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-- Tim Tebow owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
