If I don't beat him to it.
You should be whipped for even suggesting that Bammer should ever win anything. The proper attitude, if you have to be in Tuscaloosa, is to sit at the stadium and pray for the vendors to trip and fall down the aisles, a hail storn to damage the Bammer cars, a rabid dog to attack Big Al prior to the game, a shigella outbreak in the water jugs and an LSU blowout where the fans are crying, the mothers are weaping for their broken sons, the fathers resign themselves to teach their daughters to play golf, and the coaches commit ritualistic harikari on the big "A" at the 50 yard line.
Anything short of that is heresy and you should be beaten with reeds and leather straps until you admit otherwise.
