From Email... no linky!!!   CHARLESTON, S.C. Oct. 1, 2005 (AP) Kevin Higgins, head football coach at the Citadel, announced today, following Mississippi's loss to Tennessee, that he now has the opportunity to make history by starting two female cadets in a Division I football game against Mississippi in Oxford on Ocober 8 for the Rebels' homecoming game. "The time is right, and the opponet is ideal," said Coach Higgins.
Chastity Crawford, a 6'2", 220 pound true freshman from Myrtle Beach, will start at tight end. Crawford has no experince at the position, but the other female starter, Amber Andrews, a 6'1", 185 pound "redshirt" senior from Fayetteville, North Carolina, will use her wide receiver experience against the varsity, hoping to score many times for the South Carolina military school against Mississippi.
Fast Eddie Orgeron (1-3), Mississippi's first year coaching phenom, responded to the news by stating that his former boss at USC, Pete Carroll, reminded him that Eddie had taken on many tough women in his life and instructed him not to change "what he has been doing" just because two girls will be starting against the Rebels on Saturday.
"S---, I been beating women all my life. I will stick to my usual ----ing game plan," remarked a grinning, confident Coach O, as he continued to split wood for use in building a fence around Memphis.
If the favored Citadel Bulldogs defeat the Rebels as most experts expect, Chancellor/athletic director Robert Khayat and honorary athletic director, Pete Boone, have told persons close to the program, that Coach O would be fired on the field following the game. Ole Miss alum, Haley Barbour, donned in a dirty blue MEMA/FEMA knit shirt, will break the news to Coach O.
Former Mississippi head coach Ken Cooper, has already been in contact with Coach O and given the embattled first year coach instructions on how to take his secret slush fund with him and just dare the Ole Miss officials to sue to get it back. "Easy money," said Mr. Cooper.
Cooper's slush fund, beleived to have been in the neighborhood of $13,000, was deposited in an Atlanta Bank back in the 1970's and was later used to help fund the unsuccessful law suit filed by Billy Brewer, another former Rebel coach, against the University. Part of the remainder of the fund has been made availble to Joe Lee Dunn, former interim coach, to buy a new toupee.
After Coach O is fired, the Khayat-Boone team will immediately commence a nationwide search to find the "best [assistant] coach availble to return the Rebels to the respectability it enjoyed in the 1950's during the Eisenhower administration.
However, after unsuccessfully crisscrossing the country in attorney Dickie Scruggs' jet in search of a coach, it is expected the duo will create a "short list" for head coach that will include Billy Kinard, Ken Cooper, Steve Sloan, Billy Brewer, Joe Lee Dunn and David Cutcliffe.
John Vaught, a resident of Lafayette County, is another favorite for the position after Coach O is fired. "Johnny" has been heard muttering his desire to return to coaching. However, sources close to the program, say University attorneys are concerned that Vaught is being considered.
A female attorney working in her Lyceum office who asked not to be identified, said, "Look, every coach since Johnny--except Tubby--has been run off by this instituion. If we rehire Coach Vaught, who is 96, it is certain he will be fired soon, probably before he turns 100."
The attorney said that "most likley" Vaught would be replaced by a coach who is younger than Vaught--some proven coach like, a Lou Holtz or a Frank Broyles. "And we, of course, according to Mr. Scruggs, could be sued by Johnny for, er, age discrimination."
In any event, Coach Vaught is rumored to have asked Coach Cooper to help him fund a new toupee, also.
Saturday's homecoming game in Oxford against the Citadel should be interesting to Rebel alumni--and others alike.
|
