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AUKandy
(65.8.250.225) on 10/29/2004 - 3:39 p.m. says: ( 3 views
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"From The VS...Funny..."
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Kerry/Edwards Team to Lead Gators
Gainesville, FL - In an effort to win votes, in the critical swing state
of Florida, the Kerry/Edwards team has volunteered to replace fired
coach Ron Zook for the remainder of the season.
"When I played football as a young man in Vietnam, I did not hesitate to
beat the Bulldogs and I won't now. Floridians are tired of this failed
Zook administration. They continued to call the wrong play at the wrong
time in the wrong game. It's time for them to come clean with this
Gator nation."
When asked what he would do differently, however, the senator replied "I
would have done everything differently. I would have recruited the same
players and called the same plays, but other than that I would have done
everything differently. We should not have tried to go it alone against
Mississippi State. The Zook administration has failed us.
"In fact, I actually voted to go for the two point conversion before I
voted against it."
Problems immediately arose, however at their first practice on Monday.
When a player was hurt and taken to the hospital, offensive coordinator
John Edwards unexplainably chased the ambulance out of the stadium. It
is unclear what his motives were, but was reported as saying "No longer
will there be two Gator nations. No longer will there be winners and
losers at these football games. We will ensure that every player is a
winner."
The coach would not lay out specific ideas about how to turn around the
season for the Gators, but ensured everyone that he "has a plan." He
insists it involves improving the strength and conditioning program over
several years, but just recently he has voted to cut funding for the
weight lifting equipment by over 6 billion dollars. However, he's going
to upgrade other facilities by raising ticket prices only for those who
contribute over $2000 per year. Other details of his "plan" have not
yet been revealed.
But, at least he's not Ron Zook.
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