It is well understood that Knoxville, Tennessee is not the easiest place for a visiting team to play football. It is also a very difficult place for opposing fans to come and enjoy a game. There are all sorts of things one should know before heading up to the game.
On your way to Knoxville you will notice something peculiar. All the trees in North Alabama, Georgia and Mississippi face toward Tennessee. This may seem puzzling at first but is easily understood once you remember that Tennessee SUCKS!
First some background on the Tennessee Volunteers.
They worship their coach like a god:
BUDDHA!
And they really know how to motivate their players!
As an Auburn fan you are familiar with the color orange.
Trust me, you will see a different orange than we enjoy and sometimes lament!
It may remind you of something you haven't seen since grade school.
Don't let it bother you.
Just like a dreamsicle, this team's orange melts when left exposed too long!
The unique thing about the Volunteer's pale orange is its versatility!
They can wear it to the game on Saturday:
Hunting on Sunday:
And to work on the road crew Monday through Friday!
Good luck finding a parking spot near the game.
The lot will be full of Volunteers and their RV's.
Not everyone drives their RV. Some fans arrive on the river.
Wherever you park, be careful not to get too close to a Vol's ride.
Their alarms are very sensitive!
Once you've parked and made your way onto campus you'll want to be on your best behavior.
Tennessee football games are a family affair.
If you are lucky you may even be able to sit in on a Tennessee Coaches' meeting.
If you are even luckier, you may get to witness the majesty that is the arrival parade of Coach Fulmer's lucky underwear!
You will be tempted, but don't ask the people you pass if you saw them last week on cops. . . even if you did!
Whatever you do. . . don't remind them of their swiss cheese run defense!
I'll say it again, be nice to the Tennessee fans you meet. . . they may even invite you to their beach place Sunday morning!
Guys there will be lots of gorgeous women at this game. Most of them, however, will have come with their Auburn husbands or boyfriends. If you do try to pull a Tennessee girl, PLEASE REMEMBER. . .
For every one that looks like this:
There are 1000 that look like this!!!!!!
. . . plus their fathers all have shotguns and aren't afraid to use them!
You're in the same boat ladies. . .
Tennessee men aren't renowned lookers either!
Once you make your way toward the stadium be sure you have your tickets where you can easily access them.
If you don't have tickets when you get to Knoxville, don't worry. . . go to the ticket window, you may be able to buy seat in a Volunteer Luxury Box!
Also make sure you don't go into the game hungry.
They don't serve solid food inside Neyland Stadium.
Most Vol fans can't chew too well.
Keep that in mind Aubies. . . the best pickup line to warm a UT cheerleader's heart - "NICE TOOTH!"
When you make your way through the Darwinian maze outside the stadium, it is time to find your seat.
Don't rely on directions from the locals.
Does he look like he knows where anything is?
You're easiest solution is to pickup a map of the stadium. Be sure to see the sights after our victory.
Remember, there is no Toomer's Corner to roll like we did last year.
It isn't nice to roll the trees on the UT campus.
Besides, you wont be able to find any toilet paper available anywhere!
They don't use it.
Be respectful, be kind, be an ambassador of Auburn University and all who love her, but most of all . . .
KICK 'EM IN THE VOLS!
Let's Go BIG BLUE
WAR DAMN EAGLE!!!
Thanks to CK for some of these pictures. I LOVE MOONSHINE LIQUOR!!!!!
