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LIES, DAMN LIES AND RECRUITING
Creative Truths About Luring in Fresh Blood for Firms
BY SEAN CARTER
As Benjamin Disraeli said, "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies and statistics." However, Disraeli never observed the process of modern law firm recruiting. If he had, I suspect he would have discovered the fourth type.
Of course, as lawyers in search of young (and high-billable) prey, we don’t resort to outright lies. This is because we don’t have to. We are masters of the Clintonian half-truth. And by stringing together just four powerful half-truths, we are able to convince otherwise intelligent people to voluntarily agree to spend 2,500 hours (not including nonbillable ones) per year at our firms.
The first of these half-truths is "our lawyers have lives outside of the office." At some point during every interview, the recruiter must somehow work this line into the conversation. ("I’m glad you asked about the partnership track, Jill. Did I tell you that our attorneys have lives outside the office?") In fact, it’s preferable if the recruiter says it twice or more, just so the law student walks away thinking, "Wow! This firm can’t be a sweatshop. They all have lives outside of the office!"
Of course, what is never explained is what kind of lives the attorneys have outside the office. The simple truth is that even slave laborers have lives outside the office. The real question is whether attorneys in the firm have good lives outside the office. Or are they all currently involved in their sixth marriage? Have their kids been in therapy so long that they call their therapist "Uncle Eugene"? Are they buying Alka-Seltzer and Tagamet in volume at Costco? Somehow, the interviewing attorney always manages to skip over these details.
Second is the "hands-on experience" half-truth. At some point in the interview, the law student will ask about the quality of work that will be assigned to him during his first year of practice. In other words, he will want to know if he will be stuck with grunt work.
The logical answer to this question would go something like this: "Well, Bob, let’s see. You have no experience, no practical knowledge and no clients. My guess would be grunt work, Sport."
However, no recruiter with any amount of common sense (or existing school loan debt) would ever dare to say something so brutally honest. Instead, the lawyer must respond with something like this: "I’m glad you asked that question, Bob. Here at Smith, Jones, Wilson, Thompson, Howe, White, Johnson, et al., we believe in staffing cases leanly so that our associates get hands-on experience."
And this is technically true, because first-year lawyers get lots of hands-on experience. They always have their hands on the copy machine, the fax machine and the books in the library.
Third is the "client contact" half-truth. For some reason, every law student has fantasies about client contact, as if it were the equivalent of mud wrestling with Pamela Anderson. Of course, those of us who have been practicing for a few years know that client contact is more like mud wrestling with Louie Anderson: not a pretty sight, and it’s almost impossible to come out on top. Fortunately for young lawyers, they are usually spared this experience unless the client happens to stumble his way into the firm’s library or copy center.
The final half-truth is the most effective. In fact, it is so deceptive that it probably should be included in the category of outright lie. After two or three hours of hearing the same half-truths, the law student is taken to lunch at a restaurant so expensive that the menu prices must be written in scientific notation ("Hey, let’s split the calamari, it’s only 4.3 to the 10th power!"). For the poor law student who has survived for the last three years on Pop-Tarts and ramen soup, this seems too good to be true.
In fact, it is too good to be true. Young lawyers at law firms don’t regularly eat lunch in such posh surroundings. In fact, most of them eat lunch at much more modest locales—their desks. Of course, this fact is conveniently glossed over for the law student. Instead, the recruiting lawyer will say something like, "Try the steak tartare. It’s especially good on Wednesdays."
At the end of the day, the hapless law student is thinking, "Hey, if I come to this firm, I’m going to get hands-on experience, client contact, a life outside of the office and great food every day. Where do I sign?"
It works every time.
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