(EDITED BY AUTHOR: 10/10/2003 - 9:25 a.m.)Minutes of the Meeting of the Androgynous Commune of Mildly Retarded Philosopher Chefs (in progress)
IJR, Acting Facilitator: Well, most of the agenda has been covered. We thank TopCat 
for his excellent presentation on the pork tenderloin recipe. I know it put me in a mood to slaughter some hogs. It goes without saying, but I will say it anyway, that the Power Point session on dental hygeine and swimsuit photography by DDS 
was very, very stimulating. That presentation was nicely balanced by the film review of Luther by RT 
, and we thank him for taking time away from his ministries to illuminate us on the Reformation.
I must admit that I understood very little of the Professor's 
talk, but I believe it can be summarized as follows: "Cytochrome c oxidase (COX) is a 13-subunit protein complex that catalyzes the last step in mitochondrial electron transfer in mammals. Of the 10 subunits encoded by nuclear DNA (three are mtDNA products), some are expressed as tissue- and/or development-specific isoforms. For COX subunit VIII, previous work showed that expression of the contractile muscle-specific isoform gene, COX8H, is absent in humans and Old World monkeys, and the other isoform gene, COX8L, is expressed ubiquitously. Here, we show that COX8H is transcribed in most primate clades, but its expression is absent in catarrhines, that is, in Old World monkeys and hominids (apes, including humans), having become a pseudogene in the stem of the catarrhines. The ubiquitously expressed isoform, COX8L, underwent nonsynonymous rate acceleration and elevation in the ratio of nonsynonymous/synonymous changes in the stem of anthropoid primates (New World monkeys and catarrhines), possibly setting the stage for loss of the heart-type (H) isoform. The most rapidly evolving region of VIII-L is one that interacts with COX I, suggesting that the changes are functionally coadaptive. Because accelerated rates of nonsynonymous substitutions in anthropoids such as observed for COX8L are also shown by genes for at least 13 other electron transport chain components, these encoded amino acid replacements may be viewed as part of a series of coadaptive changes that optimized the anthropoid biochemical machinery for aerobic energy metabolism. We argue that these changes were linked to the evolution of an expanded neocortex in anthropoid primates."
This leaves only the football predictions on the agenda. As you can see, we have a guest in the audience as well as the Commune's role models. They will offer their opinions in a moment. I will start and try to be brief, as I know you have come to hear our Role Models and special guest from Little Rock.
IJR SAYS
The road only gets bumpier as Auburn takes on its second consecutive Top Ten foe, the Arkansas Razorbacks, in Fayetteville. The Arky game has been a chamber of horrors for the Tigers in the Tuberville era, as 3 of the 4 games have ended in lopsided losses. The good guys still lead the overall series 6-5-1. The Hogs are a 6 point favorite to even the all-time ledger.
The Razorbacks are among the top rushing teams in the nation. Their powerful offensive line simply wore Bama out two weeks ago to the delight of many here. Cedric Cobbs carries the bacon for the Arkansans. Cue the visual aid.
145 ypg, 6 yds per rush, and 6 hrs. of community service a week
Our Tigers made great strides last week against Tennessee, dominating both lines of scrimmage against the usually physical Vols. I don't think Arky has played a defense as accomplished as Auburn's. Then again, Auburn has not yet played an offense that can inflict damage quite like the Piggies can. The intangibles from my biased perspectives are as follows: the Tigers are in an ideal position in the Tubervillian worldview. We are not expected to win; we have not performed well against this particular team; and we are on the road. Arky has little experience as king of the hill. This will be the week that the Auburn defense creates turnovers to go along with its general stinginess. The smell of upset is wafting through the frying bacon: Auburn 23, Plastic Pig Hats 20.
Now to our panel. We will start with the Commune role models:
Pat?
"Oh dear, I don't know. It's so ambiguous. I can't decide."
IJR: Well, thank you sir, er, ma'am, uhm, Pat. Socrates, what say you?
"Themistocles, Socrates, Peloponnesian War.
Auburn will carry for at least four scores.
Tigers 28, Hogs 24."
IJR: Excellent meter. Emeril, your turn:
"1 fattened hog;
Mix 3 parts Carnell, Ronnie, and Brandon with 1 part Campbell play action;
Stir up Auburn defense;
Shake sense into coaching staff;
Crack 1 Nutt;
Barbecue repeatedly.
Auburn 27, Arky 24."
IJR: And now for our guest, the River Mountain Madman.
"#badword#ing chit chatters. How do you put up with this #badword#, Wayne. Oh, never mind, you are the worst one. Posting about the #badword#ing Establishment Clause and all the while not one single, decent sports take. Back in my day, this was a serious board. Now look at this #badword#. Well, at least you acknowledge you have a #badword#ing game this weekend. Let me tell you something, you will not soon forget the ass kicking that is about to transpire. By mid-afternoon Saturday, Tuberville is going to feel like I did the first time I tried to climb the #badword#ing River Mountain Road. Arkansas wins this one going away, 45-14. Now, I've got to get out of here for my breaststroke lesson. You people disgust me."
IJR: That concludes our program. Next week, 
Hobbes and 
TJ will be our featured speakers. The topics will be "10 Reasons to be Unreasonable" and "How You Can Tell She's a Player." I will discuss the fall of King Jackie. We are adjourned.
