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and asked me for my prognosis about Auburn football for the remainder of the season. I think Mr. Collier and I are on the same page, or at least in the same chapter:
Sis:
Well, you know I am typically a sunshine pumper when it comes to Auburn football, so it is only appropriate that I lead with the best-case scenario. I make this prediction based on what I have seen thus far (and no remarkable improvement). We will go 1-11, with a win over La. Monroe. We will lose to UT, LSU, Georgia, and Bama by a combined score of 183 – 2. We will then get rid of Tubby, Nallsminger, and the rest. We will refuse to pay Tubby his $3 million buyout on some fraud in the inducement theory, and we will win when we get a judge who is both sympathetic to the budget crisis in Alabama higher education and ignorant of basic contract law. We will then hire Jim Grobe of Wake Forest, who can actually coach up his talent.
Pessimistically, I see us going 0-12, losing to La. Monroe, 7-6, on a missed extra point at the end of the game following our first touchdown of the season (scored by the defense) and losing our “big four” conference games by a combined score of 225-0. We then fire the current staff, litigate with Tubs over his buyout and settle by agreeing pay Tubs and his heirs $400,000 per year for the next 50 years (this to avoid Tubs claim for punitive damages for having to endure Bobby Lowder for 5 years). We hire Grobe, get sued by WF for inducing Grobe to breach his contract and settle with WF by agreeing to pay their replacement coach’s salary. The Guiness Book of World Records then notifies us that we are close to the record for most football coaches on the payroll at the same time, and we agree to keep paying Terry Bowden on general principles to secure the record. Meanwhile, the NCAA investigation into basketball violations evolves into a full scale investigation of the football program, finds us guilty of major violations, and sentences us to a choice of the death penalty or having Mike Price and Bill Curry as co-coaches (Grobe has quit by now). We choose the latter.
I think that about covers how I feel about things right now.
War Damn Eagle and First Down, Auburn!!!!!
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