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Ignatius J._Reilly
anonymous snipe artist
(73.137.41.215) on 11/21/2016 - 1:52 p.m. says: ( 16 views
, 5 likes
)
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"I Hate Bammer More"
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Message Replied To ==========
Why I hate the Alabama Crimson Tide (John Keith Taylor)
Latest version I could find was 2000 or so. I think John Keith Taylor might be someone's secret love-child.
I HATE THE ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE 2001 !!!
Fellow Volunteer Fans,
As many of you who have participated on this list for more than 12
months know, this is the week that I live for the whole year. It is
time for me to post my annual treatise on why I HATE THE ALABAMA
CRIMSON TIDE. While most parts of this posting are carry overs from
several years, I do add new parts to this annual posting each year so
I hope y'all continue to enjoy it. I apologize for being so late on
this posting this year. I have no excuses, I'm just late.
THE BAMA GAME . For me, one of my main reasons for living and
breathing as a Tennessee Volunteer Fan is so that I CAN HATE THE
ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE! As most of you know by now, I DESPISE THEM.
This year, THE GAME officially dubbed the "Third Saturday in October"
will actually be played on the third Saturday. This game belongs on
the Third Saturday in October. You know, there was never a book
written titled Fourth Saturday in October. It just "ain't" right, and
I would petition the Athletic Directors of both schools and the SEC
Commissioner to put a stop to some of the nonsense of playing on
different Saturdays. October is my favorite month of the year. It is
when there is a crisp coolness in the air, and the colors Orange and
Crimson splash on a field of Green. You know, I really wish that we
could do away with the silly rule that states that the home team wears
dark and the visitor wears white. This is only really necessary if
both teams have the same color jerseys. I know that as recently as
the early '80s, UT wore orange jerseys and Bama wore their red ones.
But, I digress. I hope y'all enjoy reading (or rereading) as much as
I enjoy living it. All in all, this post is getting harder and harder
to write every year. Mainly because we have beaten Bama each of the
past six years. However, then I start to remember 1986-1994 and it is
like pouring gas on fire.
For me, this week is HIGH HOLY WEEK and the Saturday of the
Tennessee-Alabama game is the HIGHEST of my HIGH HOLY DAYS. It is
bigger than my birthday, the 4th of July, or all of the Federal
Holidays that I get all combined. It is the one day of the year that
I literally think about every single day the other 364. Not a single
solitary day goes by that I don't somehow, some way think about the
Tennessee-Alabama game. Until 1997, I lived in north Alabama, so I
saw a lot of BAMA paraphernalia. Every time I see an Alabama Bumper
sticker I think about THE GAME. Every time I see someone wearing an
Alabama sweatshirt or T-shirt, I think about THE GAME. Every time I
see the color red, I think about THE GAME. I hate the color red. Red
is the one color that refuse to wear. If I pull up to a traffic light
and the signal is red, I think about THE GAME. What makes it worse is
there is usually some "bubba" in front of me with a BAMA bumper
sticker. If I'm lucky enough to be first at the light, then the idiot
on the other side of the intersection will have a BAMA license plate
on their front bumper. GOD, I HATE BAMA! Every single night when I
used to watch the sports news in the Huntsville-Decatur area, there
was going to be something said about the Crimson Tide and I would
think about THE GAME. Every time I saw a Birmingham Paper and I saw
Paul Finebaum or Bill Lumpkin's columns, you could bet that somehow
they were going to work in at least one sentence about the Crimson
Tide. It made no difference that they might have been writing a
column about equestrian or water polo. There was a restaurant up the
road from where I worked where I often had lunch. They had a picture
of Paul "Bear" Bryant on the wall behind the cash register. I would
see that DAMN PICTURE, and I immediately thought about THE GAME.
For me, BAMA not Florida, is Tennessee's nemesis. Tennessee and Bama
already had a series record long before Florida students knew how to
spell the word "football". I HATE BAMA's GUTS. I HATE THE ALABAMA
CRIMSON TIDE with every word I speak, every blink of my eyes, every
thought that I have, every breath I take, and every beat of my heart.
I HATE THE ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE!!! I literally cannot stand the sight
of 'em. When I first moved to north Alabama and was single, I glued
an Alabama decal to the bottom of my commode in my apartment. It was
a "natural law" on Saturday afternoon that you would sit around the
apartment all day watching college football and drinking beer. It was
a rule that you had to yell, "PISS ON ALABAMA" every time you went to
the bathroom. It was even better when I had to sit down. 8-)
I know that a majority of the players we have on our team and our
fans now consider Florida to be our arch rival in the SEC. There are
no longer any players on our team who can remember the last time we
lost to ALABAMA. However, I remember. From the time I was in the
fifth grade at the age of 10, I was listening to Tennessee play
football on a Magnavox transistor radio that my Dad had. I carried
that radio around with me everywhere I went in the fall. I was never
without that radio on Saturday afternoons with it tuned to WREC AM600
in Memphis with John Ward blaring out on the single speaker. Back in
those days, Tennessee didn't play 9 out of 11 games on television like
they do now. In those days usually only one game per year was on TV.
That was a team that I later learned to fear, then learned to HATE,
then suffered against. They were a team that wore red jerseys and
whose coach was called Bear Bryant. He was revered as a god. I HATED
THAT TEAM. There was a kid named in my neighborhood who was a few
years older than me. All I ever heard out of Matt's mouth during
football season was ALABAMA this and ALABAMA that. "Bear Bryant is
the greatest coach ever." "Alabama is the greatest team." "Alabama
won back to back National Championships, Tennessee can't even win the
SEC because Tennessee can't beat ALABAMA." "Tennessee can't beat THE
BEAR." "Tennessee can't beat the CRIMSON TIDE". I did fully
understand what kind of a mascot the Crimson Tide was, but I HATED
them. For at least 5 years through the last years of elementary
school and junior high school, I heard this rattletrap from that guy
almost every single Saturday afternoon. Every single afternoon after
school that all the kids in the neighborhood played football in the
front yard, I had to hear this load from this guy. From my point of
view, he was right. In my short time of loving UT and being a UT fan
and "watching" all their games on the radio, I had never known us to
beat BAMA. Year in and year out, we lost to BAMA. I HATED ALABAMA.
I wanted to beat THE BEAR worse than anything just so I could rub it
in Matt's face that we had beaten his BELOVED ALABAMA. WE HAD BEATEN
THE BEAR. I HATED THE CRIMSON TIDE. I PRAYED TO GOD FOR A DAY THAT
WE WOULD BEAT ALABAMA!!! I remember an October afternoon in 1982
when Coach Johnny Majors led the Vols to a victory over Alabama. I
don't remember if I cried or not, but I know that I listened to every
single down on my Dad's Magnavox radio. I was so happy, I went right
over to Matt's house to rub his face in it. He wasn't home. Thank
you Matt, you taught me at a young age one of the GREATEST TRUTHS in
my life. I HATE ALABAMA!!!
I HATE BAMA because my manager is a BAMA graduate. Every time I go
down to his office, I have to endure THE BEAR staring down at me from
his wall. I have to see the framed page of THE BEAR post office
stamps. I have to see the BAMA coffee mugs.
I HATE BAMA because most of their fans are a bunch of dumb idiot,
cousin dating, illiterate, rednecks who couldn't find Tuscalosa on a
map of the State of Alabama if the Southeastern Conference
Championship depended on it. Shucks, half of 'em probably can't find
the State of Alabama on a map of the United States. They are so dumb
that they proudly wear flip-flops and overalls out on the town to
Walmart on a Saturday night because they can't tie their own shoes or
zip up their pants. However, they proudly fly those BAMA flags from
the window of their new 2001 Red Chevrolet or Dodge pick-up trucks
with their BAMA bumper stickers on the rear bumper. The truck
probably cost 3 times their annual income, but is worth 5 times more
than the 1970's model house trailer that they proudly park it in front
of next to a brand new satellite dish so they can watch their
"beloved" CRIMSON TIDE play and fail to cover the spread against the
likes of Bowling Green, Southern Miss, Tulane, etc., etc. on
Pay-Per-View. Every once in a while, BAMA plays a really, REALLY, BIG
GAME against seasoned, SEC opponents like Kentucky or Vanderbilt.
Isn't it strange that one of BAMA's permanent SEC Eastern Division
Opponents is Vanderbilt? What is really sad is the idiot BAMA FANS who
actually will engage you in a conversation about how the "Green Wave"
or "Vanderbilt" could actually give BAMA a tough game. Then, after
BAMA only beats one of these "bunnies" by one or two touchdowns, they
get mad because BAMA didn't climb 6 places in the A.P. Top 25 Poll.
Then, I HATE BAMA because I have to listen to these same BAMA FANS
explain why the reason that BAMA didn't cover the spread against
Vandy, Tulane, or Brownie Troop 247 is BECAUSE (Are y'all ready for
this?), Mike DuBose didn't want Tennessee and Auburn to really see
what BAMA has for a team. They were just sandbagging until later in
the season when they bring out the big guns." UNBELIEVABLE!!! I
will admit that I haven't heard much of this stuff this season since
Mr. Dubose took over after Stallings as head coach, but I think those
losses to "seasoned" opponents like La. Tech in 2 of the last 4 years
shut most of this up. This with coach Fran it has been nonexistent.
However, if they had greased those games like they normally do,
instead of losing, I'm sure I'd have heard any earful by now. I will
say that I was glad to see BAMA play UCLA this year and last.
However, last year they went out to California and lost. This year
they had the Bruins come to their house and lost. Now I HATE BAMA
because they gave the PAC10 a reason to brag over the SEC.
I HATE BAMA because their women fans are the FATTEST fans in the SEC.
I HATE BAMA because they paint or use the color red on every thing
they own with one exception, BAMA FANS put YELLOW SAUCE on their
barbeque and call it good. THE ONLY COLOR SAUCE THAT BELONGS ON
BARBEQUE IS RED. YOU WOULD THINK THEY COULD GET THAT RIGHT.
I HATE BAMA because of those two fans who go to games with a roll of
toilet paper stuck on a box of Tide washing powder held with plungers.
I don't think I've ever watched a BAMA game that those two idiots
somehow don't wind up on NATIONAL television. I went to lunch last
year with some coworkers in the Birmingham office. They took me to
some place plastered with nothing but BAMA crap all over the walls.
As I was walking out of the door I caught glimpse of these idiots in
newspaper picture that was framed and hanging on the wall. I received
an e-mail after the 1996 game. In case you think I'm kidding, here it
is.
>In case y'all were at the game and didn't tape it. Guess what two
>guys were part of CBS' intro to THE GAME. That's right. Right there
with
>the footage of General Neyland, Paul "Bear" Bryant, Johnny Majors (as
the
>player not the coach) Reggie White, and all the other Third Saturday
in
>October greats of the past...
>
> Oh well, I guess anyone who works that hard deserves to be on
>Television. At least they aren't wearing "HOG HATS".
Three years ago Roy Kramer gave me another reason to HATE BAMA that
really didn't come to light until Saturday, September 18th, 1999. I
have always signed my personal email, "My two favorite teams are
TENNESSEE and whoever plays Alabama." However, thanks to Mr. Kramer's
Bowl Championship Series, the BCS ranks teams and uses your opponents
records in the formula for where you are ranked. Therefore, I cannot
desire for ALABAMA to go 0-11 anymore. THIS IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!.
On the Saturday two years ago that the TIDE was beaten on the last
second play by Louisiana Tech, I almost jumped out of my chair
laughing. I great sense of joy filled my heart. Then my brain took
over. That hurts Tennessee in the BCS rankings. Gosh Dangit! Even
when BAMA loses they find a way to hurt us. I HATE BAMA FOR MAKING
OUR SCHEDULE LOOK WEAK IN THE BCS RANKINGS WHEN THEY LOSE AND I HATE
THE BCS FOR MAKING ME WANT BAMA TO WIN WHEN THEY AREN'T PLAYING THE
VOLS. IT GOES AGAINST EVERY FIBER IN MY BODY. I CAN'T DO IT! I HATE
BAMA TOO MUCH!!!
I HATE BAMA because in 1992 David Palmer got not one, but TWO DUI's
and the BAMA GRAD JUDGE gave him "youthful offender status" so he
could play football for the Crimson Tide when they won the '92
national championship. If that had been you or I, we'd still be in
jail. Question: What year did David Palmer GRADUATE from the
University of Alabama?
I HATE BAMA because of Forrest Gump. I truly love the movie Forrest
Gump. I have seen it over a dozen or so times. It is one of my
favorite movies. I remember going to see Forrest Gump for the first
time at the movie theater. I was thoroughly enjoying the movie when
the scene where Forrest and Jenny are walking home from high school
comes up. Forrest takes off running and runs across the high school
football field where a young Paul Bear Bryant wearing that black and
white checked cap is recruiting. I must admit that scene took me by
surprise. Very quickly, I forgot all about the movie "Forrest Gump"
and started thinking about TENNESSEE vs. ALABAMA! The next scene I
see Forrest in an ALABAMA football uniform streaking down the field to
score a touchdown. The crowd is doing an ALABAMA card trick in the
stands. ( I wished we still did cards in college football.) Forrest
runs all the way down the field, into the end zone, and out the
tunnel. It took me several minutes to get back into the movie. I
just kept thinking about ALABAMA. At the time the movie came out,
Tennessee had lost to ALABAMA 8 times in a row. I COULD THINK ABOUT
WAS THE GAME AND MY THIS JUST ADDED MORE FUEL FOR MY HATE OF
ALABAMA!!!
I HATE BAMA because they are a bunch of ARROGANT WHINERS. Six years
ago when BAMA lost to Arkansas, they got upset because of a blown call
by the officials. This happens all the time in football and is simply
part of the game. Sometimes the breaks go your way, and sometimes
they go the other way. BUT NOT FOR BAMA, THEY GOT THE WHOLE ENTIRE
SEC OFFICIATING CREW SUSPENDED FOR A WEEKEND BECAUSE THEY HAD THE
AUDACITY TO BLOW A CALL THAT WOULD HAVE GONE IN BAMA's FAVOR.
I HATE BAMA because they still talk about Paul Bear Bryant in the
present tense. I have nothing but respect and admiration for the late
Paul Bryant, but I am sick and tired of some redneck Bama Fan who,
while pumping gas at the gas station, sees my "GO BIG ORANGE" license
plate on the front of my car and starts telling me what THE BEAR would
have done if he had been coaching the VOLS against Florida. I already
know what the BEAR would have been doing. HE WOULD HAVE BEEN MOLDING
BECAUSE HE IS DEAD. Bama Fans are almost as bad as Elvis fans when it
comes to this. I say "almost" because, to my knowledge, Bama fans
don't dress up like the Bear and hold a candlelight vigil at his
graveside the way fans of the King do in Memphis every year. Q: How
many Bama fans does it take to change a light bulb? A: 83,819 - one
to change the bulb and 83,818 to sit in Bryant-Denny Stadium and talk
about how good the old bulb was. Several years ago, I was listening
to the Rush Limbaugh radio show and a lady called him from somewhere
in Alabama. When Rush introduced her and said the name of the town,
and state she was from she started talking about being raised in
Alabama, and emphasized the fact that it was the same state that Bear
Bryant made his famous coaching tenure. I'm driving along and
wondering, "Does this lady actually believe that there is anyone with
any intelligence whatsoever who doesn't know where THE BEAR is from?"
Then I realized the point. She was honestly believed that she was
supposed to be special and privileged because she happened to live in
the same State as the late Bear coached. She didn't have anything to
contribute to Rush's Show, she apparently just wanted to make that
point. He rather quickly got rid of her. I was so white knuckled
from gripping the steering wheel and cursing The Crimson Tide and her
arrogance that I almost had to pull over. By the way, this was in
1991 only a few weeks after we had suffered our sixth straight loss to
the Tide.
There is a nice print available that shows different scenes of the
Tide beating Miami in the Sugar Bowl to win the 1992 National
Championship. These scenes in the print are contained within an area
that is the shadow of Paul Bear Bryant's head wearing his famous hat.
WHAT IN THE HECK DID PAUL BEAR BRYANT HAVE TO DO WITH ALABAMA, COACHED
BY GENE STALLINGS, WINNING THE 1992 NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP? OH YEAH,
STALLINGS WAS ONE OF THE BEAR'S BOYS....... I HATE BAMA.....
I HATE BAMA! Because after living in Decatur, Alabama for FIVE OF THE
LONGEST YEARS OF MY LIFE, I FINALLY got the opportunity to move to
Atlanta, GA. I figured this would be great. Since Georgia Tech
chickened out and left the SEC, Atlanta is basically an "SEC Neutral"
town much like Memphis (my original hometown). My wife and I got to
Atlanta and we found a house that she and I both liked. When I
entered the living room, my eyes about flew out of my head. The
shelves were filled with ALABAMA paraphernalia complete with the "Paul
Bear Bryant" Coca-Cola bottles. From there I walked out on the back
deck. Sitting in a pool was a three foot tall elephant rared up on
this hind legs with trunk in the air blowing water up and back down
into the pool. The Elephant was sporting a RED A on his side. I
about lost it right there as my blood pressure climbed 15 places in
the top 25. My first question was, "That does go with y'all, correct?"
Of course, my wife loved the place and shortly after we moved in, I
performed a full blown orange exorcism. Unfortunately, the deck
underneath where that damn elephant was sitting is permanently
stained. So, GUESS WHAT COMES TO MY MIND EVERY TIME I SEE THAT DAMN
SPOT? YOU GUESSED IT, THAT GOD FORSAKEN ELEPHANT AND WITH IT, THE
GAME. I MEAN FOR NEYLAND'S SAKE, 4 MILLION PEOPLE LIVE IN THE ATLANTA
METROPOLITAN AREA, WHAT ARE ODDS? BUT HEY, IT IS A GOOD THING, IT
GIVES ME ANOTHER REASON TO HATE BAMA.
I HATE BAMA because Bama leads the series 42-34-7.
I HATE BAMA because Bama leads the series 21-14-6 in Birmingham.
I HATE BAMA because the series is tied 2-2-0 in Tuscaloosa.
I HATE BAMA because Bama leads the series 19-18-1 in Knoxville.
I HATE BAMA BECAUSE THEY ARE THE ONLY SEC SCHOOL TO HAVE A WINNING
RECORD AGAINST THE VOLS IN NEYLAND STADIUM. THIS IS TOTALLY
UNACCEPTABLE TO ME.
I HATE BAMA because they changed their logo to that new elephant logo
that looks like it was drawn by a kid in the 5th grade at Walker
County High School. (yes, I did say 5th grade ) What the heck
happened to the "Elephant in the A" logo?
I HATE BAMA because I am sick and tired for the BAMA FAITHFUL spouting
off about their 12 national championships. ALABAMA is an excellent
program with a long football history and tradition and they have won
more than several legitimate national championships, BUT GIVE ME A
BREAK! Some of those championships might as well rank right up there
with the "MARTHA WHITE CORNBREAD TOP 25", or the "BIRMINGHAM TIRE AND
BATTERY TOP 25".
I HATE BAMA because a BAMAFAN once told me that while the team they
want to beat the most is Tennessee, the team they least like to lose
to is Auburn. I know if he wasn't speaking for all their fans as a
whole, and I guess playing Tennessee doesn't rank right up there with
playing an instate rival like Auburn. I TAKE THAT AS AN INSULT. I
UNDERSTAND IT, BUT I STILL HATE IT.
I HATE BAMA JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE BAMA. BOTTOM LINE IS THAT I HATE
BAMA BECAUSE TENNESSEE LOST TO THEM 9 TIMES IN A ROW FROM 1986 UNTIL
1995. IT LITERALLY COST ME THE BEST YEARS OF MY COLLEGE FOOTBALL
VIEWING LIFE. I WILL NEVER FORGET THE 6-9 LOSS TO BAMA IN KNOXVILLE
IN 1990. THAT WAS THE LONGEST DRIVE FROM KNOXVILLE BACK TO MEMPHIS OF
MY LIFE. I DEMAND SATISFACTION. I WANT TO KILL 'EM. I WANT TO BEAT
THEM SO BAD THAT THEY DON'T WANT TO SUIT UP AGAIN THE REST OF THE
YEAR. I WANT TUSCALOSA ERADICATED FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH. I
DON'T HAVE TO AVOID THE RUSH, I HATE BAMA 12 MONTHS, 52 WEEKS, 365
DAYS, 8,760 HOURS, A YEAR!!!!! I HATE THEIR GUTS.
IF THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA WERE AN ACTUAL PERSON, I WOULDN'T PISS
IN HIS BUTT TO SAVE HIS LIFE IF HIS GUTS WERE ON FIRE. A COUPLE OF
YEARS AGO THERE WAS A JOKE ABOUT A BAMA FAN'S STUPID DOG. WELL I
DON'T CARE ABOUT SOME MANGY, FLEA AND TICK INFESTED BAMA FAN'S DOG,
BUT MY DOG HATES BAMA TOO! A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO THERE WAS A JOKE
ABOUT A BAMA FAN'S STUPID DOG. WELL I DON'T CARE ABOUT SOME MANGY,
FLEA AND TICK INFESTED BAMA FAN'S DOG, BUT MY DOG HATES BAMA TOO!
A FELLOW VOLUNTEER FAN WROTE ME LAST YEAR AND TOLD ME HE FELT EXACTLY
THE SAME WAY. HE SAID, "I HATE BAMA SO MUCH THAT IF WE BEAT THEM
212-0 FOR THE NEXT 100 YEARS IN A ROW IN NEYLAND STADIUM, IT WOULD NOT
BE ENOUGH TO SATISFY MY HATRED OF THEM." I THINK HE SUMMED UP IN ONE
SENTENCE EXACTLY HOW I FEEL AND IT TOOK ME SEVERAL PAGES TO EXPRESS,
EXECPT FOR ONE THING. I'D LIKE TO PLAY THEM ON THEIR HOME FIELD
(BRYANT-DENNY, NOT LEGION FIELD) AND BEAT THEM JUST AS BAD.
However, I do have more respect for BAMA than any other team in the
SEC. Playing and beating BAMA truly means something to me. This
rivalry dates all the way back to 1901. Alabama and Tennessee rank 1
and 2 respectively in all time SEC victories and winning percentage.
We are the TITANS of the SEC. It is for this reason that I feel the
way I do. I love poking fun at the Alabama fans as much as they love
doing it to us. We have something that other schools in the SEC (such
as Florida) will never have. This is why I HATE BAMA, but I RESPECT
BAMA. I will never have any respect for Florida. I have more respect
for Ole Miss than I do for Florida. I do long for Bama to return from
these leaner years to its former glory. Of course, this year is
looking pretty lean for the Vols as well. I long for the BAMA GAME to
be the #1 game in the heart and minds of all Volunteer Fans as it is
in mine. However, I ALSO LONG TO BEAT BAMA BY A SCORE OF 213-0 OR
MORE EVERY TIME THAT WE PLAY THEM FROM HERE ON AND I WANT THEM TO BE
UNDEFEATED AND RANKED IN THE TOP 10 EVERYTIME THAT WE DO IT!!!
GOD BLESS THE TENNESSEE VOLUNTEERS. GO BIG ORANGE!!! BEAT THE EVER
LOVING WHINNING ELEPHANT CRAP OUT OF BAMA!!!
Keith, "My two favorite teams are TENNESSEE and whoever plays
Alabama.", Taylor
John Keith Taylor, P.E.
johnk....@ps.ge.com==============================
But am able to do so in far fewer words.
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--
Starred by:
PharmaTiger
Hobbes
Aubiece
AU Forever
Trigger
--
"When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him." Jonathan Swift --"Thoughts on Various Subjects, Moral and Diverting"
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